Monday, June 30, 2008

The Beauty of Texas...

This weekend, Laredo played host to the prestigious Miss Texas pageant - basically the playoffs for Miss USA. Apparently 9 million Texans tuned in - and Miss Port of Laredo got third place. Miss Port of Laredo, always a bridesmaid.

Alex and I didn't feel like shelling out $20 for nosebleed seats to the coronation, so I did the next best thing - got a bikini car wash.

In my defense, I wasn't looking for a bikini car wash. All I know is that I desperately needed a car wash, any car wash, when all-of-a-sudden a skeezy looking dude appeared outside GW's Roadhouse with a "Bikini Car Wash" sign and the state of Texas tattooed on his chest.

How could I not?

GW's is a faux dive bar (think strategically placed bras and deer heads), and when I asked the skeezer about the price, he yelled something unintelligible about "fundraiser" and "titties." I figured this was probably my only chance to ever experience such a combination.

As it turned out, no one could tell me what the donation was for ("Maybe somebody got sick?" a biker volunteered), and there were no sightings of the aforementioned unmentionables. In fact, our car was washed by beardy drunk and a big old woman.

At this point I'd close by saying "only in Laredo," but does this really happen anywhere outside my feverish dreams?

And did I mention they did a terrible job?

1 comment:

Alex said...

At least they weren't pushing old shopping carts...

Or, better yet, you could have had a "Mankini" car wash.

Yes, "Only in Laredo" can be apropos...